betulkah aku?

JULAI

seronok didampingi - well,betol la kot .. tp kdg2 rase nak sndiri2 jer .. hu3 .. ble lalink ckp nak hantar gi mane2,aku kdg2 kerek gak,ckp nak pegi sendiri tp aku tau aku ni malaz sgt2 nak menapak sorg2 ..

banyak berahsia dan sukar dimengerti ( terutama lelaki )- yup! ada kdg2 kite nak hal tu kter je yg simpan .. kire nak privacy la ..

agak pendiam kecuali diransang -betol!!! aku ni jenis malaz nak bercakap .. tp ble da jmpe kwn2,hmm .. ingt lg mase skool dlu di cop sebagai geng bermasalah dgn bdk2 jantan yg perasan bagos .. geli aku! mcm muke bagos sgt .. mcm cerdik sgt .. (tbe2 rndu kat izyan,tqah n utieh-guys,adakah aku yg menjauhkan diri atau korg yg semakin jaoh)

ada harga dan maruah diri -100% .. n my family is my pride! usik family aku,siaplah ..

tidak suka menyusahkan orang lain tetapi tidak marah jika disusahkan -errr .. lalink,betol ke? hu3

mudah dipujuk dan bersikap lurus -a'ah .. lalink pggl aku c luros bendol .. aku pon percaya batak la ape dia ckp .. pdhal dia tipu jer ..

sangat menjaga hati orang lain -kih3 ..

sangat peramah -td kate pendiam .. (?)

emosi sangat mendalam tetapi mudah terluka hati dan lambat pulih -yup3333x .. aku ni sensitif .. mudah menangis .. emo la tu ..

berjiwa sentimental -1000 thon xkan mungkin? sentimentalkah aku?

kurang berdendam -ni ye la kot .. aku suke let go .. xsuke simpan ..

mudah memaafkan tetapi sukar melupakan -tnyelah sape2 yg aku rapat ..

tidak suka benda remeh temeh -wat saket paler je ..

membimbing cara fizikal dan mental -adik2 aku la tu ..

sangat peka, caring dan mengasihi serta penyayang -wawawaa ..

layanan serupa kepada semua orang -everybody deserves it .. ever1 is equal ..

tinggi daya simpati -mmg la .. aku tak boleh tgok bdk susah .. org tua susah ..

pemerhatian yang tajam -lalink selalu jd mangse ..

suka menilai orang lain dengan pemerhatian -betol! 1st impression aku slalu silap ..

mudah dan rajin belajar -tuhan je yg tau ..

suka muhasabah diri -ni pon .. tuhan je yg tau

suka mengenang peristiwa atau kawan lama -Naw fu d'art .. love u ol

suka mendiamkan diri dan duduk di rumah -rimas kat luar ..

suka tunggu kawan tapi tak cari kawan -da kate xperamah ..

tak agresif kecuali terpaksa .. da kate bler di ransang ..

lemah dari kesihatan bahagian perut -da tu apendik aku ni ape cer? siap ada parot tebok bagai ..

mudah menjadi gemuk jika tak dikawal -sgt3333 la betol!! pas apendik,amek ko!

minta disayangi -abg syg syg x? tipikal ayat simpati ble wat salah .. muntah siler ..

terlalu mengambil berat -aku akak n anak yg bek .. x cayer tanye aku ..

rajin dalam membuat kerja- wawawawawa ..

hmmm .. *sigh*

baru je nak mengenali kak lynn n kak nor da dorg kene transfer unit .. sdey la .. due2 bek dgn aku .. even aku maseh baru lg kat cni but they treat me nicely .. i feel comfortable when i'm with them .. i hope this bond will never fade away .. never ..

well,dis week aku mcm lemau cket .. cume today i feel more better .. dunno y .. but i'm still perform my duty .. hu3 .. jgn ingt aku mlz tau ..

tibe2 teringt kat ibu n abah .. yeah,even aku da besar gabak,but still aku manje dgn dorg .. even aku da xpndai nak show manje tu tp ble ada part2 yg aku rase stress,aku slalu ingt kat dorg .. bkn time sng aku x ingt .. tp ble time susah,time stress, ble ingt kat dorg aku jd insaf (walaupon jap .. hu3) .. aku teringat how hard 4 them to raise up me n my siblings .. the hardest time 4 us .. kdg2 ngalir airmate ble ingt how strong they r to overcome all the obstacles in dis life .. aku ingt mcmane kuatnye abah mengharungi segalanye n tibe abg aku pergi menghadap illahi,betape aku lihat airmatenye mengalir di saat nak kucop abg wat kali terakhir .. i'll alwaz remember dat .. xkan pernah lupe .. never! betape lemahnye abah time 2 apabila khlgn hero sulongnye yg sentiase menjadi harapannya untuk menjage adik2nya yg bley tahan byk kerenahnye ni .. n aku xkan lupe abah beristighfar byk kali sambil memegang kuat stereng kereta apabila my lalink menyampaikan berita pemergian abg (aku dlm ambulans dgn abg,my lalink follow blkg) .. ni adik aku yg citer ..

n ibu? xpyh nak ckpla,ibu pengsan byk kali .. smpaikan aku riso sgt2 dgn dia ..

"anak zan tu abg,yg zan kandung 9 bulan"

aku ingt lg ape ibu ckp kat abah dlm kete once dia tau abg da xde ..

"ye,abg tau .. tp zan jgn mcm ni"

tuhan .. aku menjadi anak sulung serta merta ..

xtaula nape aku nak cter plak pasal ibu n abah .. maybe aku rindu kot .. hu3 ..

ish .. da besar gabak nk rndu2 lg .. hu3 ..

i HaTe U sO MucH,LaLiNk ..

I hate you so much,

yet i yern to feel your touch.

I hate the way you talk to me,

think of how great we could be.

I hate the way you act with friends,

Yet you stay real cool,

and secretley want to hold my hand.

But most of all this hate is true,

I hate the way you make me love you.

we have a big fight .. as (ass?) usual,i started it 1st .. n he is juz like b4-stay cool n remain silence .. i feel sh*t!! and that i feel gud 4 nothing .. i dunno y i have to be so harsh 2 him but i think i want a lil'bit of freedom .. but he denies my rights! how i wish i could be an invisible human .. so that i can runaway from this suck situation ..

LoVE iS ..

Love is chocolate

Love is sweets and honey

Love is sometimes for your heart

Love is sometimes for the money

Love is passionate

Love is blind

Love is destined

Love is cruel and kind

Love is forever

Love is for a night

Love is fading

Love is at first sight

Love is unrequited

Love is for another

Love is not returned

Love is not to be smothered

Love is dangerous

Love is right

Love is wrong

Love is a fight

Love is complicated

Love is here and there

Love is in you and me

Love is everywhere

Love is broken

Love is true

Love is for me

Love is for you

DePrEsSiON ..

Depression is the sorrow in your heart ..

Depression is the feeling of being alone ..

Depression is knowing your best isn’t enough ..

Depression is knowing no one cares if your dead or alive ..

Depression is the hate and anger you get when life is too hard ..

Depression is when you feel like the worlds on your shoulders ..

Depression is the feeling that you get when you get

when you know that what ever you do no one cares and it doesn’t matter ..

Depression is knowing when you tried tried and tried again but failed ..

Depression hits hard and harder every day ..

Depression is the feeling of dying slowly every day ..

BeRtaMU d KaLBu ..

Ku genggam semilir malam

Tika rembulan menyinari

Lalu ku menadahkan

Kata cinta nan suci

Dan akan ku hembuskannya

Tika malam syahdu

Kerana dalamnya

Kasih sedalam lautan

Setinggi mentari

Tak mampu digapai

Oleh khayalan insani

Cuma dinaluri

Katakan bara melecur diri

Bisa memercik jalan nan luka

Dengan selasih balut pedih ngeri

Tiada berpaling setia

Adalah sejarah jadi saksi

Bulan bintang menghangat kasih suci

Kita pun terpaut dan bersatu

Dalam bebayang mimpi berseri

Ku layarkan asmara

Di pelabuhan setia

Akan ku rentangkan

Sang pelangi suci

Yang pastinya anggun di hati

Bertamu di kalbu

hmmm .. *sigh*

feeling sick ..

tired ..

dull ..

homesick (?) ..

hopeless ..

sadness ..

upside down ..

what happen to me? God,plez help me ..

IT'S RAINY MORNING ..

Pg ni ujan jer .. da la tejok sgt2 .. mlm td tdo xlena .. teringat ibu kat umah .. my lil' bro sent me a msg telling me dat ibu is in bad condition .. not with her health but her feeling .. she's hurt .. it's a family problem .. poor ibu .. if i could b wit her,i'l hug her .. pic kat atas tells abot my feeling rite now .. the weather is so dull n so do i .. i dunno y .. but it has nothing to do wit myself but it involves sumbody .. i hope everything will b alrite .. n as for ibu,i hope dat she'l be ok .. i love ibu ..

dis weekend ingt nak tgok cter puntianak ni .. but not sure yet .. ckp kat lalink aku xnak balik n dia majok .. ntah la mcm xde mood nak balik .. ingt nak rest je kat umah ..

see awan mendung tu .. dats how i feel rite now .. i'm not in da mood .. i wanna go sumwhere else ..

Tribute to my Big Bro ..

this guy in this pic is already rest in peace .. died on 5th september 2009 at 7.25pm (14 ramadan 1430h) .. n he is my big bro a.k.a abg kpd aku n adk2 aku .. khlgn KAMARUL AZREEN KAMARUDIN bukan saje ditangisi oleh aku n family but also kwn2 dia yg ramai tu .. n yup,i still miss him to death until now .. nobody can replace his place in this heart n actually in his "actual place" .. we ol pggl dia "abg: .. dia ni sebenarnye seorg yg crios tp kdg2 dia bley wat lawak n wat kami tak reti duk diam .. dia akan kenekan kami dgn lawak dia n keletah dia yg segala bagai tu smpai kdg2 kami rase bengang sgt2 .. here i wanna write a letter to him altho' aku tau dia xkan bace .. at least aku pure2 anggap dia bce ekk .. abg tu dia n kakngah tu aku .. name pggln aku kat umah .. hu3

abg ..

smpai saat ini kakngah maseh tak mengerti nape Allah amek abg dr kami .. namun sebagai hamba-NYA,kakngah kene percaya Qada n Qadar .. pemergian abg membuatkan kami rase kosong n lemah .. kerna sesungguhnya bak kate abah,abglah penguat n semangat kami berenam .. n kepada adik2 pompuan abg,abg jage dgn sepenoh hati .. bila ada yg busok ati n dengki terhadap kami abg la yg akan bela kami .. kami sgt rindukan abg ..

abg ..

ibu n abah selalu menangis di saat solat,di saat terpandangkan segala hak milik abg,di saat terkenangkan abg,di saat terlihat makanan favret abg(ikan sardin yg pasti) .. mggu lepas ntah ape mmpi abah bawa balik 2 tin sardin (sejak kematian abg,srdin diharamkan kat umah tu) .. abah ckp dia rindu kat abg sbb tu dia bawa balik sardin .. n dia suh ibu yg masakkan .. nak tau tak abg,sambil msk,ibu nangis .. kakngah xde mase tu, nak tenangkan ibu .. kalo abg ada,mzti abg makan dengan selera sekali ..

abg ..

kakngah rindu nak dengar sore abg nyanyi tapi sumbang .. rindu sgt2 .. tuhan je tau .. ingat lg 1 ptg tu kakngah n syera memekak pastu abg sound .. tros diam ktorg .. hehehe .. tkot gak abg kuar jd gergasi .. abg penat ari tu baru balik keje ..

abg ..

raye tahun ni tak bermakne wat kami .. abg pegi 2 mggu b4 raye .. maseh terkesan di ati ini akan kehilangan abg .. n so,we ol amek kputosan utk ala qadar sambot raye .. tp mgkn utk tunjukkn simpati,ramai yg dtg ziarah kami .. n that, we ol feel so sad about it ..

abg ..

dgn ketiadaan abg,brmakne,kakngah la anak yg sulung .. kene jage ibu,abah,adik2 .. mase mule2 tu kakngah rase takot sgt nak pegang tggjwb tu cuz abg pon tau kan kakngah manje n kakngah byk bergantong kat family .. tp ble kakngah da dpt keje baru,kakngah tau kakngah kene berubah .. berubah to be independent woman, the thing dat never crossed my mind b4 ..

abg ..

semadilah abg dgn aman di alam sana .. tak ade ape yg mampu kakngah berikan hanye Al-Fatihah sepanjang mase .. rindunya kakngah pade abg,hanye tuhan jer yg tau .. slame 24 thon kite hidup bersame, akhirnya kite berpisah jua .. n mgkn kalo amalan ini cukop,tuhan pertemukan kite di alam sane .. rindunya kakngah pade abg sehinggakan rase pedih dlm hati ini ..

abg ..

salam syg n rindu dr kami sekeluarga .. abg akan tetap dlm hati kami walau 1000 thon .. rindu sgt2 kat abg .. rndu sgt2 kat abg!!!

ni gambar abg dgn adik aku .. mase ni tgh epy sgt2 ..

n yes as i told u b4 .. dia mmg kaki lawak ..
n that ble tuhan semakin menunaikan janji-NYA ..

gambar 3 ari sebelum dia pergi akan aku post soon ..
n that .. we miss him to death ..

ni la lagu pembakar semangat ..

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

adik-bradik gler

ni ha aku nak knl kat uol semua adik2 aku yg slalu wat aku skt ati n meluat .. apepon dorg yg da bez,da boom n da vogue ..

yg pakai skaf pink tu name dia Syera .. dia ni kalo uol nak tau dia nakal gler .. slalu wat parents aku pening .. tp ramai sgt peminat smpai telinga aku ni da bernanah dgr cter dia .. tp dia ni pandai amek ati ibu n abah .. smpai abah ckp kalo xde dia kat umah, umah jd sunyi .. yela tu ..

yg ni selepas aku,Fara .. kepala hangen je kejenye .. dgn dia aku mcm kwn .. byk perkara bley kongsi .. tp kengkadang dia ni mcm tsunami cket .. kalo xkene,mule la ngamok .. kkdg2 bengang gak aku dgn dia .. tp apepon,dia mmg adik n merangkap best buddy aku ..

ha yg ni yg laz,Faeez a.k.a Adeq .. bapakla nakalnye .. tp bley di harap .. kat umah tu asyik2 dia jer yg kene suh wat keje .. walaupon dia wat dlm mrh (ape taknye .. akak2 dia pemalas,nak amek "sotong2" kitorg pon kdg2 soh dia) dia ttp wat .. dia ni pak lawak dlm umah aku .. n yez .. dia kaki meniru perangai n aksi org .. dia pndai tau menari ala beyonce .. hidup gler hips dia .. hahaha .. syg semuanya ..

what a life ..

tak tau la macamane aku terbabit sekali nak tulis blog ni .. may b coz aku tgok akak sblh ni cbok dgn blog .. so aku pon terikot sekali .. may b byk perkara yg aku nk tuliskan but as a new blogger may b aku akan tulis step by step .. i luv writing diary .. so may b be part of a blogger ni bley wat aku ilang tensen .. how i miz my hometown .. miz my lalink .. can't wait this coming friday .. nak dating dgn lalink yg tgh tgu aku kat hometown .. lalink wait 4 me ha .. ibu n abah pon .. ape lah yg dorg wat skang ni ye .. adik2 aku .. rndunyer ..